Aquarius: Adrian Peterson is available for baby sitting this week!
Pisces: Use your Groupon to get that awesome Russian bride that loves over-weight guys and fantasy football!
Aries: If your dog craps on the west side of your lawn it’s a sign that Michael Vick is gonna start this week.
Taurus: Put the game on in Spanish and try and listen for the hidden “Cucuy” reference. PS: This only applies to Mexican Taurus’
Gemini: Throw some macaroni and cheese at the TV screen every time Tom Brady goes back to pass and you’ll put a hex on him. However, it only works if you hit him in the groin.
Cancer: Its October cancer! Pink is the cure… Actually, its just a marketing tool, you still have cancer.
Leo: Your winning numbers are 13, 18, 21, 26, 37 and power-ball 4. I’m 90% sure I’m right.
Virgo: Steal Leo’s ticket!
Libra: Call your mother-in-law and talk with her for hours… For good luck.
Scorpio: Start anyone you have on a “bye”. Just to mess with the other guys head.
Sagittarius: Yell louder and louder at the TV every time the ref gets a call wrong! It gets the point across.
Capricorn: Ask your wife if she “loves you the way she did when you first got married”, but tell her to answer during the commercial.
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